Everything that appears on this page was taken from my 1st grade spelling book.

This all started in 1st Grade.  To the left is the cover of my first grade spelling book.  I was known only as Steven back then.  My snowman was patriotic.  And he wore earmuffs, which is kind of odd since he was made out of snow.  He had coal black eyes and a coal black heart to match.  Tragically he melted a week later and it's a pain I've never overcome.

Below is a barn and a dog.  Notice how sad the dog looks?  It's because the barn ain't got no doors.  He can only imagine the yummy goodness that awaits inside, but alas, he'll never know.
It's high sailing with these beautiful boats.  Drawn in such detail the teacher had no choice but to give me an "A."
The assignment was to draw a car but in review it looks more like a roller skate.  Notice the teacher didn't give me a grade.  An ominous sign of what was to come.
Your assignment.  Draw two balls.  One new and one old.  This didn't warrant a grade but did get me the classic heart cutout. 
Here I was to illustrate the difference between my home and our school.  Yes, I grew up in a cardboard box. 
This is one of my favorite pieces.  The instructions clearly read:

Write the "n" word:  Okay.  I didn't follow instructions.  This was so bad that the teacher originally gave me a D but reviewed it again and decided to change that grade to an "F".  She would have went lower if she could but a "F-" really has no impact.  Notice how I copy her "F".  Great way to build a 1st grader's self esteem, lady. 

I was held back in the 1st grade, too.  The reason:  Steve is not emotionally mature enough to move on to second grade."  Huh?  I was 6 years old.
But not all of 1st grade was bad.  I did manage to snag these two sweet stickers for my superior spelling skills.  A border collie and a happy hippo.  I didn't get too many good grades after that.  I spent the next 11 years doodling in class.  The only thing that brought me joy.

 

 

 

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All content on this site is copyright Steve Stacy.